I hope you feel that the second version has more momentum than the first. The reduction of redundancy contributes to this, of course, but the main factor is the choice of verbs.
Verbs are the fundamental source of energy in written English, and, as we have discussed, the most emphatic element in a sentence. A good written sentence demonstrates the effect of a subject on an object through a verb. While nouns are static, verbs move. The verb 'be', however, simply states that something is something else. It, and to a lesser extent the other common verbs used in speech, 'have', 'make' and 'do', decrease momentum because they carry no meaning in themselves but rely on their nouns (as in, for example, 'I made an agreement' and 'I made a mistake').
In the first version, there are only three sentences, yet 'is' occurs five times.
Discipline is the order which is necessary in the classroom for pupil learning to occur effectively. There is a massive amount of literature on discipline in schools, which includes a number of books offering sound practical advice (Robertson, 1996; Rogers, 1994), those reporting the results of research studies dealing with teachers' and pupils' views and experiences (e.g. Munn et al., 1992a, 1992b) and a major government report on the topic: the Elton Report (DES, 1989). Discipline is one of the major areas of concern for student teachers, and is also identified in the Elton report as a major area of need within the in-service education of experienced teachers.
In contrast, the meaning of second version is carried forward by its verbs - 'depend', 'worry', 'identify', 'report', 'offer'.
Effective learning depends on classroom discipline. Student teachers worry greatly about discipline, and a major government report on the topic, the Elton Report (DES, 1989), identified discipline as a major area of need within the in-service education of experienced teachers. Among the massive amount of literature on discipline in schools, some books report the results of research studies dealing with teachers' and pupils' views and experiences (e.g. Munn et al., 1992a, 1992b), others offer sound practical advice (Robertson, 1996; Rogers, 1994).
Verbs are not the only sources of momentum, however. Consider the following two sentences. Which has more momentum and why?
The Glasgow ECC can serve as a model of city marketing techniques but it cannot be seen as typical of the ECC programme, nor as a major influence on subsequent cities.
Although the Glasgow ECC can serve as a model of city marketing techniques, it cannot be seen as typical of the ECC programme, nor as a major influence on subsequent cities.
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© 2002 Martin Paterson